How to Have the Best Sweet Sixteen Ever

How to Have the Best Sweet Sixteen Ever
By: Claire Melton

Today I turned sixteen, and it also happened to be big water beatdown Thursday. In case your birthday ever matches up with a beatdown Thursday, I have written a list of steps to success. 

Step 1: Wake up, and put on the most obnoxious combination of clothing you own. Be prepared to paddle and swim in this clothing. During warm ups in the morning I went for a pair of pink flannel pants, and a red flannel shirt. While this was decent (flannel on flannel is always great), what I wore on the water was much better. I’m not even sure how to describe that, so below I have attached a picture. 

 

Step 2: Swimming ALL of McKoy’s is another step in the perfect birthday/beatdown Thursday combo. An important part of this is to make sure you’re body surfed in both of the worst holes in the rapid, and then end up in a whirlpool. Start by swimming left into Satler’s, and then hard right into Phil’s hole. 

Step 3: Personally, I think the best way to follow up bodysurfing is to surf the holes in your boat. After spending a while getting beat down in Phil’s hole and watching others get beat down in Phil’s hole, it’s time to move on downstream.

Step 4: "Legs out to lunch" not only makes lunch taste that much better, but is a wonderful game that mildly concerns rafters. It’s played by running Garb and Waikiki without a skirt, and with your legs out of your boat. While I was successful in making it through both rapids, if you really want to put the “beatdown” in beatdown Thursday, running the pipeline through Garb is a fantastic way to ensure that you swim, and are not successful. Taking this line is also very entertaining to everyone observing. 

Step 5: Partially filling up a raft with air, piling it full with kayakers, and having Dane Jackson guide it into holes that aren’t commercially run is another suggestion as to how to make the most out of your birthday/beatdown Thursday. Later that day Dane broke his hand, so isn’t currently available to guide a raft, but I’m sure he’ll be back, and better than ever before we know it. If you don’t have enough people to fill the raft, don’t worry! Just fill it with inflatables such as a killer whale named Shamu, and a large sombrero.

Step 6: The day must be finished off with a cake from Wilderness Tours, and an incredibly enthusiastic singing of Happy Birthday from fellow Keeners. 

Side Note: Thank you so much to everyone who helped make this the best birthday ever, there’s nowhere in the world I’d rather be. :)

Cheers!!