Once Upon a Time...

    Once upon a time in a distant land, there lived a man.``
        ``A very attractive, smart, strong, and good at just about everything man``
       ``Ahhh yes did I mention he was humble, anyways this man journeyed too... another distant land in a
  quest``
        `` A brave and incredibly heroic quest``
           ``Hey! We both agreed that I would tell the story. He went on this quest to vanquish a monster. This monster was known throughout the world, and its name brought chills``
        ``Like you just got dropped into a giant fish tank of freezing cold water... that is frozen... with ice cubes chills.``
         ``What was that you were saying about incredibly smart? It brought chills to all who knew the stories which surrounded it. This fiend had a deep frothing mouth that had an..."
              "...unquenchable thirst for blood and an unfor(PHIL)able appetite for both plastic and flesh."
           "......Sure. This demon was known to all who dared to ask as Phil`s. Our brave warrior wearied many a mile in his journey to the Ottawa river, the stomping grounds of the mighty creature. Our protagonist made sure to prepare himself with the best equipment he could get. The ``Safety Vest of Reflection`` fashioned by the armorers of Walmart, a legendary workshop visited by only the bravest and most ``interesting`` members of humanity. He also acquired a sword forged from foam, the strongest of all materials. The master smiths of the ``Dollar Tree``produced a legendary blade solely for the hero's mission. Feeling fully prepared to tango with the ``Beast to End All Beasts,`` the man mounted his steed. Jacksonious Rockstaramous Prime the 2014th. Jacksonious was the best horse in all the land, and the man had not a doubt in his mind that Jacksonious would serve him well."
            "Into the jaws of the beast we flew. I fought valiantly with a stab left and a jab right."
        "First off you were defiantly not flying and your 'fighting' was more like you getting demolished. Unfortunately the powerful teeth were able to rip off the man`s armor and disarm him. Defenseless, the man was torn from the saddle and plunged to the depths."
          "I single handily, like all by myself...jussssst me managed to drag myself and my steed from the river."
         "That is about the farthest thing from the truth I have ever heard!"
         "IT IS NOT!"
            "There were at least four people hauling your pitiful body from the torrent"
              "ONE! and that is being generous"
         "Four!"
         "ONE!"
             "Four"
          "One!"
         "FINE!  A FEW BRAVE SOULS who were sympathetic with the soldier pulled him to shore. As the hero sorrowfully surveyed the battleground, his sword  magically floated onto an island. A kind bystander fetched the weapon for our worrier. If this was not enough to reignited his taste for battle.
       "A damsel in distress soon emerged from the river having also been dismounted by the beast.:"
       "*shaking his head* She was perfectly fine."
        "DAMSEL IN DISTRESS!!!"
        "*sigh* Why do I even bother"
        "She had lost her shoes in the violence and was weary from her travels. The knight..."
        "Oh so now your a knight huh?"
         "Yes! I have a sword do I not? mmhhmmm? Yes as I was saying the KNIGHT loaned her his iron boots..."
         "I.. I have nothing to say."
         " He began the long trek to the layer of the beast.
         "One hundred yards at most"
         "*ignoring* He crossed many a dessert of sand and tall mountain ranges with sharp rocks."
         "Oh good God this is just ridiculous"
         "These petty obstructions did not slow our determined hero down.
         "It took you at least thirty minutes to walk fifty yards"
         "*still ignoring* He had no time for pain now.
         "You Looked like you were dying!"

Vanquishing the Beast that is Phils Hole

         "stiiiilllll ignoring* He mounted he trusty steed and prayed to God for protection for he had lost his armor in his last encounter with the beast. Jacksonious galloped toward the gaping mouth of Phil's. Our hero drew his weapon, and into the froth they flew.
         "Again with the flying thing?"
         "He plunged it deep into the heart of the monster. This time our worrier emerged from the river unharmed. Having vanquished the beast, he set his sights high in search of new challenges and new monsters.
         "He does not like to brag about his achievements by the way if you have not noticed.'
         "Oh yes and there is defiantly not a video disproving pretty much all of the awesome things mentioned above so what ever you do, do not go looking for one...EVER."

I hope you all enjoyed my story. I have been having a wonderful time here at Keeners. This is the most diverse Keener session ever, and it has been amazing learning about all the different cultures represented. Besides all of my awesome new friends, it has been quite an experience paddling with all of my idles such as Stephen Wright, Ryan Whetung, Joel K., Devyen Scott, and "Mom" Anna Bruno. Sorry if this was a little hard to follow. I tried to make it entertaining. :)  PICTURES COMING SOON SO CHECK BACK!