Keeners is a Fabulous Place. I am a first time Keener and have only been here for two days. I am terrified by the rapids, but am still having a blast. Everyone here is amazing and no-one will put you down ever! Its pretty easy to have fun here, but if you don't want to enjoy your stay, just follow these simple steps.
1. Be Anti-Social. By this, I mean don't talk to anyone. Do not even make eye contact with your fellow Keeners. It they try to make contact with you, angrily lash out at them "Why are you looking at me?"This will discourage any future contact and ensure that all the wonderful, funny, pleasant people you are at Keeners with will not ruin your dark unhappiness.
2. Do the Absolute Minimum on the River.
This will ensure minimum improvement in your kayaking. When many people try to convince you to do or try things, you should sit at the back of the eddies. Refuse all requests and never ever join conversations on the water.
3. Avoid All Chores. This will make other Keeners and coaches angry with you. These people will now try to make your life harder and will help with step one.
4. Never Use Sunscreen. This will ensure maximum pain at all times. As Sunscreen is very valuable, do not let anyone else use yours ether. Ignore the sunscreen Keeners has at the Thunderdome and the Lunch site. The redder and more tender your skin, the harder it will be to enjoy yourself.
5. Do not let your feet dry, ever! This will almost guarantee that you get foot rot, AKA Athletes foot, AKA Trench Foot. This is very painful and if it gets bad, you will have to stay off the river. This infection will bleed and hurt and really a few days in not treated right away.
Having a bad time is hard, even when following these steps. The people around you only want you to have fun, and it is infectious! To have a bad time you really need to focus and work on it. So instead, relax, and enjoy your time at Keeners!
Signing out, Hunter Gibson.
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