I Guess That's How the Cookie Crumbles by Jacob Zivony

A step by step tutorial on how to steal your cabins freshly baked cookies and say sorry by making them a new batch

Step 1: Go paddle on the middle channel and dont eat anything so you will be extra hungry for cookies when you get back. (Eating nothing is optional but it will help you be more hungry for cookies and you can take more when you get back)

Step 2: Come back from your long day of paddling and immediately go to the kitchen where you will find food for you to munch on. (You don’t know that there will be freshly baked cookies yet)

Step 3: Spot your cookies sitting on the fridge and run directly to them making a face of shock because you didn’t know there was gonna be cookies waiting for you.

Step 4: Get to the good part. Now that you have a plate of fresh cookies infront of you pick 2-5 cookies from the plate and take them from the plate.(You can eat them or save them for later)

Step 5: Wait until the rest of your cabin is back from their fun day at 7/8 hole and let them realize that their cookies that they spent so much time working on are gone. 

Step 6: Before all of your cabin mates dump you in the river, tell them you will make a new batch of cookies to replace the ones you ate.

Step 7: Wait until after dinner then make your batch of cookies while everyone else is still at the thunder-dome.(This way you will be able to surprise them when they get back.

Step 8: Mess up the cookies some how (I chose to use melted butter instead of softened this way all of the chocolate chips melt and you just have chocolate cookies instead of chocolate chip cookies)

Step 9: Leave the dough and go swimming 

Step 10: Find out that your cabin mates wanted cookies now and used your dough to make cookies 

Step 11: Be happy and enjoy your new batch of cookies and enjoy your cabin mates not wanting to throw you in the river

River Washed Hair by Helen Dillard

    So you just got off the river. You crushed some rapids, maybe got tumbled in Phil’s, and maybe even swam. You’re soaking wet and freezing cold and on top of that your hair is absolutely wrecked. What was once smooth, shiny, and neat is now a tangled, matted, river blasted mess.

So how do you fix this? And how do you do it within the 30mins you have to get ready for dinner. Here’s the best way to save your hair while kayaking and the path I took to find this out.

At first I tried to put it in braids and just brush it after. This worked, but not well. When you spend the whole day on the water the braids tend to crunch up and curl and become full on dread locks. This takes a lot of time to brush out so you have to finish it on the bus to dinner. But it kinda works.

The next thing I tried was a low rise bun. And surprisingly this worked much better. The bun has to be tight and against the back of your neck. And it does a great job of keeping your hair where it’s supposed to be, ish. But, it still got messy and tangled and it was a pain to brush out.

This is when I started discovering different strategies to brush your hair. You start by wetting your hair in the sink and lathering on so much conditioner. From here you can sit on the porch and brush it normally while getting your foot bath done at the same time. Or you can do my favourite tried and true method. 

For this method you lay your soap filled hair across the counter and begin brushing out the bottom of your hair. Keep brushing it out against the counter until it's mostly untangled. You then flip your hair back in the sink and brush out any remaining tangles and conditioner. All done <3.

Many Ways to Succeed by Eli Knights

 “Failure is the pathway to success”. This is one of the many inspirational things that our amazing coach, Stephen Wright, has told us. He also told us to fail spectacularly because by failing you learn how to succeed. This is one of the biggest ideas at Keeners and so we have a day entirely dedicated to failure, Big Water Beatdown Bacon Thursday. Over the course of the day we throw ourselves into massive water and try to get destroyed as spectacularly as possible. This may seem like a really good way to get hurt but it actually teaches you a lot. When you fail you then have to recover and look back and see why you failed. It's also kind of a competition and so it's a great way to connect with the other Keeners and you can look back and laugh at all of the horrendous battering you received. It also teaches you skills that you can use in the real world. Everyone fails all the time and you have to know how to own up to it and then fix your mistake and improve so that you don't make the same mistake again. These are all reasons why our awesome coaches throw us into these situations where we are destined to fail. Every single one of our failures leads us to being a winner, provides us something to laugh at, and creates connections that will last for a long time and around the world.

Running Rapids at Keeners by Jonathan Sanders

  Here at Keeners you will have the opportunity to run some very big rapids and push your limits because the river is as the instructors say, “freakishly safe”. I highly recommend taking advantage of this. This is one of few rivers where you can try literally anything you want and 99.9% of the time be perfectly safe. However, while the river is safe some of the rapids can be more than 3 times the size of the ones on your home run. This is a factor that can mess with our heads very easily. Staring at Phils or Coliseum for the first time can be quite an intimidating sight as some of the waves are the size of large suvs and school buses crashing with tons of force. Things like this make kayaking just as much a mental battle as it is a skill battle. It's important when running rapids to have 101% confidence in your abilities and always have at least 2 backup plans. I would also say that it is even more important to know your limits. There's nothing to prove. Most people value seeing a person who really enjoys being on the water rather than someone running stuff to build ego. My last bit of advice is on how to run these rapids.First keep calm and focus on the fun then, find the biggest hole, tee up boof and tuck, kiss your but goodbye, and finally roll up and spread the stoke. There is no such thing as failure, just success in not doing what was intended. There is not much better feeling than achieving what was thought to be impossible and that's what I love about kayaking.

My New Ottawa by Remi Brunson

    You drift down from the put in, and see three different channels leading into a loud roar with mist slowly floating up. On the left is Explosion, and on the right is Implosion, and dividing the two creeping through vines and branches is The Door to Gnarnia. You choose to take Implosion, and go to surf the triple crown, and receive a stout beatdown in each hole. The rapid living up to its name by imploding your skirt. Luckily you stay in your boat and continue down with a slight scare from the mighty Ottawa River. You paddle the flat water and choose to take the middle channel. As you reach the first horizon line you paddle into Evil Kenival instead of Water Slide, and lace the boof missing the evil eddy and all of the whirlpools. As you move on excitement creeps into you throat as you make your way to Nutella wave. The smoothest, butteriest wave on the Ottawa. You surf for a while getting some spins and a blunt or two. And talk with the wild assortment of people in the eddy. You decide you want a taller wave and make your way to caterpillar wave, which is always a blast. But you find your heart desires more. You can feel the power churning from the Fantastic Four downstream. So you go to the calling and view the four in their glory. From river left to right, Washing Machine, Window Wiper, Spatula, and Chimney. The grand Fantastic Four. You are feeling daring this day and decide after some scouting that you want to run Spatula. You pick your way down the barreling slide and lace the line next to the island. Gliding you way to Chihuahua, the next rapid. The Chihuahua wave is looking impeccable today and you surf beautifully for a good minute, enjoying the peace. But just around the corner is the carnage of Rabeez. Your arms are starting to become sluggish so you pick a more conservative line through Rabeez. You hit the corner of Dracula hole and get airborne. And you think to yourself what an awesome day you just had kayaking the Ottawa middle channel.

     After a good night's sleep, you are on the water again this time going down the main channel. You try your luck at the stout Implosion, and after lacing the thread the needle, you make it through with your deck still intact. A small scream of triumph escapes your mouth. And your mind races in excitement for the rapids to come in your day. You paddle the flat water grinding your teeth, wishing you had a jet attached to your kayak. But once you make it to the first rapid, Portal, it all seems worth it. You fly down the wave train, missing the bottomless pit to your left. You skip into X - te - te wave. And the foam back enders you. You swirl around under water in the crazy boils and currents. You manage to roll up, and a wave of fresh air rolls into your lungs. After surfing the wave for many laps you make your way to Whirlpool Canyon. You hit a beautiful macho move at the start of the rapid, and get to the swirly spot. You try to get into the eddy, and get whipped around in circles sucked into the depths of the river. You break the surface, a bit rattled and decide to move on not wanting to play around there more. But next is Theme Park. The most fun rapid ever. You surf every wave there is to surf. Gliding, bumping, and spinning your way down the rapid. And come out with a fat grin on your face. You then paddle down and hear the roar of Godzilla, the biggest rapid on the river. You paddle in, your heart racing, and make your line getting out of the way of Jaws wave. You yell, thrilled. You completed the renowned Ottawa River. And it was a blast.

How to Cope with the Death of a Paddle by Sofia Haro

    Coming into keeners you probably are well aware you’re going to get beatdown from hearing stories-insane Beatdown Thursdays, gnarly fables from the famed Phils Hole. You might even expect a skirt implosion or for the paddle to get snatched clean out of your hands 

    But what you might not expect… is the paddle to snap and die right in your hands. Which is terrifying, but here’s how to deal with it like a pro.

        Step 1- get out of your boat to scout Colosseum rapid with your group eyes bugging out of your head and mouth dropping at the sheer sight with one thought “I’m going to be the first keener fatality on Beatdown Thursday,” then get sent off to take your shot at it.

        Step 2- paddle down Colosseum and for reference, if you're trying to take the right sneak line, but it seems like kahuna just keeps getting closer and --bigger-- you probably are not far enough right. Which leads me to step 3

        Step 3- Get body checked by big kahuna and proceed to try and roll up at the peak of every wave and miss rolls until you get all the way down into the one spot you are NOT supposed to go-the rock ledge- at this point you’re still trying to roll cause no way are you swimming.

        Step 4- The paddle suddenly has no more tension in it you have a sneaking suspicion it just broke and you can’t even tell if you’re still holding onto it as you get dragged over the grating sound of what you can guess is the rock ledge so after all of this you pop your skirt and hold onto the upside down boat as you watch the rescue team come

        Step 5- Watch the faces drop of the two keeners who excitedly find your paddle and then are shocked to actually find two paddles, or rather paddle bits.

        Step 6- get in an eddy and explain what happened with sorrow but you don’t have to worry about hand paddling the rest of the main channel to the takeout because the other keeners will be really intrigued with your new “C1 Paddle” and keen to give you there paddle as they attempt to use your once beautiful 201 cm 45 degree feather bent shaft double diamond werner paddle you’ve had since you were a kid.

        Step 7- Grieve, the loss of a paddle can be hard and sad, but don’t worry, this step usually doesn’t last that long

        Step 8- Agree to have a lightsaber battle with the two halves of your paddle and proceed to take lots of pictures and poses with the whole camp to commemorate the loss, and also the cool new story piece

        Step 9- take all the jokes that will come your way for the entirety of the rest of your session. Game night? You’ll always make a feature. Renaming rapids for a speech night topic? “Paddle Breaker” was a no-brainer 

        So to conclude if you break your paddle at keeners it will feel like the end of the world, for maybe 10 minutes, afterward you will have the best inside joke with your session, the greatest motivation to get back out there and conquer the rapids, and overall and most importantly the coolest story to tell from the most wonderful 3 weeks of your life.

Cooking at Keeners by Cian Bergin

  Cooking in keeners is a unique experience. The keeners cook for themselves every morning and it is always interesting to see what will happen depending on who is the chef. I personally enjoy cooking a lot. For the first week I cooked for everyone but recently other people have decided to cook. James for instance is a great chef and makes great pancakes. Sometimes however the food doesn't come out right. Jonathan, for instance, made something new out of pancake mix. He made scrambled pancakes which was an entirely new experience for me. It was ok and did not kill me but since that instant we have taught him how to make an unscramble pancake. Sam has had the most interesting creation however and it was completely intentional. On the first day of keener we made bacon and eggs, a completely normal breakfast. However, Sam made the decision to make an English muffin and put nutella on it. These two separate creations are delicious and normal but he decided he would like to combine the two together. Making the first nutella and eggs breakfast sandwich I have ever heard of. The even better part is that Sofia recreated this in a different way the same day without hearing about Sam’s. She just put nutella on eggs and no sandwich which sounds way worse.

Cian Bergin