Emery Slothower - How To Have A Successful Footage Review Session

1. To start you Keener Footy review session, you first have to connect your computer to the TV. This should be a 15 minute process at least. To make it better, try to solicit opinions from everyone in the room, preferably all at once.

2. Start at the top of the SD card, to build hype. The first couple shots from the GoPro should be the inside of a dry bag, or maybe a confused shot of your face as you try to turn it on. Then, comes the sweet sweet clips.

3. When you start getting to the really nice clips, you should do one of two things: first, you could accidentally disconnect the hard drive, and panic as a alert blinks in the top right corner of your screen, urging you to eject the disk next time. Second, you could sit back and watch as the audience starts to scream in excitement.

4. Continue watching clips, till hype hits an all time high. By the end of the session, everyone should be more stoked on kayaking than they ever had been before. Sit back and watch the airdrop line build, and the stoke build as people get hyped for tomorrow.

How To Befriend The Yakistan Mouse: By Maia

First things first, to befriend the Yakistan mouse, it is imperative that you understand the basic mannerisms of mice; they only respond to the highest of cordial behavior. The first encounter between you and our furry little friend is likely to be a little awkward, as is any first encounter, but exchange pleasantries to the best of your ability. Next, you must arrange a follow up; send a formal invitation to have the mouse over for tea. Now this part is key: do not scream if the mouse decides to pop in by way of falling through the ceiling—that would be most rude. Falling is his most common mode of transportation, and if this occurs you’ll know you’re doing the process right. Likely by this point you are receiving impromptu visits from your mousy friend and can enact the final stage: friendly extermination. Buy the mouse a plane ticket to a Hawaii vacation, a present from a new friend, and forgetfully decline to inform the mouse it is a one way ticket. And the last step, enjoy a mouse free cabin, and stay in touch with your new beachy mousy friend.

DO'S and DONT'S of the Ottawa River: By Wade Peek

 Hi my name is Wade Peek, and here are some DO’S and DONT’S of the Ottawa river.

Absolutely don’t drop in to surf a wave/hole from the top of a rapid, when there are other paddlers waiting in a below eddy. 

Absolutely do support and cheer on all other paddlers. 

Absolutely don’t throw a snit when you miss or flush out of a wave. A snit is were you get so angry that you sometimes slam your paddle on your cockpit, and occasionally say push-up words. 

Absolutely do claim your surf, for example a fist pump in the air showing your stoke. This may be hard to do especially during competition day with oks Keeners, when you are not super stoked on your surf. 

Absolutely do wait your turn in the eddy before a surf. 

Absolutely don’t snake people in line for a surf wave. 

Always try to have good ediquette on the water and look out for others.

Why I Don't Like Chicken: By Mathew

 Even though chicken is a popular cuisine that many people appreciate, I don't care for it at all. I feel this way for a number of reasons.

First off, I don't particularly enjoy the taste of chicken. I've tried eating it, but I find the flavor to be bland and not as delicious as other things I prefer, like pizza or macaroni and cheese. It seems as though chicken doesn't agree with my palate! Second, there are times when chicken can be rough and dry. It becomes difficult to chew when it's not cooked just properly, which reduces how much I enjoy eating it. Tender and luscious dishes are my favorites! And finally, I dislike handling chicken bones. They may be a mess and a pain.

Putting Yourself Out There: By Ian Cieslak

In kayaking one of the most important things is just putting yourself out there. Lots of people definitely struggle with this simple thing.

Putting yourself out there requires lots of confidence and effort so something to make it a bit easier is peer pressure. An experience like Keeners involves coaches supplying you good peer pressure to do this. While peer pressure may make you nervous and feel vulnerable it’s good because typically the impact it has is positive. Now that you know an example of peer pressure and how it could affect you, you just need to do it. If you feel confident you can do something even in the slightest just try it. Obviously look at the risk involved for whatever that may be but if it’s low risk and high reward why not go do it. Putting yourself out there might make you improve as a kayaker but also as a person. It builds confidence which is great for your mindset when it comes to kayaking or pretty much anything.

Why I shouldn't Do Pushups: By Miles Van Der Linden

I think that the push-up punishment system should be abolished. I don’t like doing the push ups and they are not fun. However on top of that I think that push-ups will encourage me to do bad things so I can get more of a workout. So you are basically helping me profit off of being bad. I therefore think that we should enforce the law in a different way. For instance saying “nuh uh” or no. This way of punishment is way more humane and acceptable to our modern day society. Maybe even the entirety of keeners will be a better safer place. This new way of enforcement shall be implemented tomorrow please.

The Phils Experience: By Emery Slothower

It’s a full blind drop in from above, as I watch new friends disappear down the foreign horizon line. When they all pop back into view at the bottom of the rapid, they’re all smiling ear to ear encouragingly at the outlooks who sat on the island. Still, the knot in the stomach works in direct conflict with the rational thought processes churning in my head. Slowly, the eddy empties, one by one, till I sit on the decision point, between the eddy and the current. Pushing past the knot, I plant my paddle in the faster current moving downstream, and I’m on my way.

The waves go under my hull one by one, until there are no waves left, just the horizon line. Then, the churning mass of pale water suddenly reveals itself over the glassy roller above. Square on, I half paddle, half fall into the pit of right side Phil’s. The water slams the back of my jacket, and washes up over my head. Pure chaos, but in the midst of it, a sense of calm. The side surf, then the front surf, it all more or less linked itself without my input at all, and suddenly all is OK. At least until the upstream side catches the green water. What started as a tip has now sunken half of the playboat deep into the green water, and I could feel myself accelerating into the flip, till I smash into the trough. The violent water is almost soft as it surrounds my body, and carries me off the backside. After I roll up, I spot the safety eddy, and start my ferry, already excited by the thought of the next ride.