How to (not?) Cook Popcorn in the Microwave at Keeners by Sam F.

Step 1. Make sure not to have any butter or oil, and a non microwavable bowl with no lid

Step 2. Fill bowl with popcorn

Step 3. Set timer for 10 minutes (you can stop earlier if the burning smell gets too bad)

Step 4. Cook popcorn

Step 5. Quickly open the microwave door when you realize the plastic bowl your friend chose is starting to melt

Step 5. Find a microwavable bowl and repeat steps 2-4

Step 6. Discover that without any cover the popcorn will shoot out of the bowl and all over the microwave

Step 7. Take the bowl out of the microwave and find a plate to put on top, and a paper towel tube to put in between the plate and bowl to help vent

Step 8. Repeat steps 3 and 4

Step 9. Find out that the paper towel tube you put in as a vent is now starting to smoke and remove the bowl from the microwave

Step 10. Make sure the cardboard is not on fire, and wait for the smoke to clear from the microwave

Step 11. Give up on the paper towel tube and plate and put the bowl back in without a cover

Step 12. Wait for your popcorn to cook, ignore any burning smells at this point

Step 13. Open the microwave door and eat any non-blackened popcorn out of the microwave

Step 14. Pretend to enjoy