How to Successfully Complete the Stairway to Heaven Jump - Olivia McGinnis

     The Stairway to Heaven Jump is a fairly simple task that many Keeners complete on various occasions. In order to complete it, you must leave your boat in a tiny eddy beside a large rock in the middle of the Ottawa below Brain Douche, run up the rock as your boat slowly floats downstream, and jump off the other side in order to catch up with your kayak. Now, it is a known fact that learning from mistakes is the best way to learn, so here is a step-by-step way NOT to successfully complete Stairway to Heaven:    

1. Clumsily step out of your kayak without double checking that it is in a semi-calm part of the tiny eddy before you begin running up the large rock.
2. Run as fast as you can up the side of the rock, and not show too much concern for your footing, because you can see your kayak washing faster downstream than you anticipated.
3. Reach the top of the rock, and make a sketchy jump from one small rock to another, and catch your toe.
4. Begin to tumble. Now, this is the part in which you KNOW you've made a mistake. 
5. Roll a rough 15 feet to the edge of the rock, at which point you will accidentally flip face first over the edge into the deep water awaiting you below.
6. Laugh at yourself, struggle to catch up to your boat, laugh at yourself some more (now along with your friend(s), who saw your tragic tumble).
7. Fail to sufficiently wash out your cuts so that it takes an eternity for them to heal completely, and also so that they will leave scars.

     Now that you have learned from my mistakes, let me provide for you a step-by-step description of how to successfully complete Stairway to Heaven (do not fear, for I have indeed successfully completed this move). 

1. Step out of your kayak onto the rocks with one foot, and drag your kayak into the calm part of the eddy with your other foot.
2. Begin in a fast jog up the side of the rock, keeping an eye on your footing, and not worrying too much about your kayak - if you do end up not catching up to it, your friends will push it into the large eddy on the left for you, or you can just swim a little ways and catch up to it.
3. Reach the peak of the rock, and step carefully from rock to rock, because the surface here is particularly jagged. 
4. Successfully reach the part where the rock begins to flatten out.
5. Run quickly to the edge of the rock, check that your kayak is not in the water where you are planning to jump, and leap off of the edge of the rock into the water.
6. Catch up to your kayak, and get into it before the next rapid.
7. Not have any cuts to wash, or scars to have in the future, and be proud of your success!

     Now that you have both learned from my failure, and from my success, I urge you to go and try this fun jump for yourself! Chances are, you are nowhere near as clumsy as I am, and won't struggle with this even close to as much as I did.