Walmart: By Cormac Long

 Walmart is very fun, especially with keeners due to its abundance of resources. On the contrary walmart is also awful due to its abundance of unnecessary items. In addition, it is extremely hard to find certain items, for example instant coffee. On the contrary Dillon bought 10 hot wheels throughout the entire shopping stravaganza. Here is a short list of the items I decide to pick up on our Walmart shopping trip. I bought protein bars, snacks, and coffee.

The Instructors At Keeners: By Samuel Gravel

At keeners, they have a ton of really amazing instructors. The instructors teach you a lot of new tricks and are very 1 on 1 when they teach. They are very good at teaching you tricks, during the first 2 weeks I already got way better. These instructors are crazy good at kayaking and can do crazy tricks with ease that I didn’t know were possible. They are also very positive and make you feel like you belong there, even if you do the most basic trick on a wave they still scream “YEAAAAAAAAAA”. The head coach stephen really makes keeners exciting, sometimes after lunch he just make us do random stuff that the average paddler wouldn’t even think of doing. So in conclusion, the keener instructors are amazing paddlers and coaches. Those were the reasons why the keener instructors are amazing.

The Importance Of The Skills Learned at Keeners: By Joseph Lavigne

 The importance of the skills learned at keeners and why they make you do scary things. 

     At keeners, Stephen as well as the other coach, make you do some pretty scary things. These things may include swimming some huge rapids, swimming into body recirculating holes, and rescuing your friends from being body recirculated. These things may seem intimidating, but they wont kill you, and are key to growing as a paddler and being able to insure that you, and your friends are that much safer on the river. Being able to remain calm and make efforts to escape a sticky feature is very important if you are running creeky rivers or things that have steep holes with flat backwash. Being able to swim in whitewater effectively is also a skill that is extremely important. This skill in particular makes you more safe on the river and by doing that, your friends may not have to do risky things to get you out of a hard place. Being able to throw a rope to someone in a sticky situation or being able to live bait them out is another very important skill. If your friend is getting tumbled in an unpleasant hole and unable to get out on their own, you will need to implement one of these to prevent the situation from getting worse. But at keeners they have you practice these things in safe environments where you are unlikely to actually be stuck for too long. That is the magic of the Ottawa river.

Don't Take A Long Time Cooking Breakfast At Keeners: By Aidan Meadows

 Cooking breakfast is a very vital part of the day that you have to do in order to have enough energy. When you cook a bad breakfast, you don’t have enough energy and it’s not good. Very big breakfast you’ll be better off for the day, but it will take longer , that mistake I made. Every morning I’ve cooked something good for the cabin. Whether it be Nutella pancakes, chocolate chip pancakes, crêpes, hashbrowns, or eggos. In the past few days, I’ve been expanding the food I cook. I’ve started to cook meals that take a lot longer, and I’ve also been cooking for the coaches which has been taking a lot of time. The food has been very good and I’ve been full all day, but every day it takes longer and longer to cook. Wednesday morning we had 100 push-ups because we were 15 minutes late. We got a bulk discount for the amount we had. Moral of the story, cook very filling breakfast, but don’t take too long because you waste all of your energy on push-ups.  

In Tinactin We Trust: By Evan Bate

 At keeners tinactin is a life saver and a life giver therefor tinactin is a way of life. From an outside perspective one would simply view the second half of keeners as a week and a half of a colt that worship a white chemical called tinactin. At this point you may be asking yourself what tinactin is, so I will explain. Tinactin is the brand name for Tolnaftate. It is an anti fungal cream, spray, and powder. The reason that keeners hold this in such a high regard is that while on the river you can often get Foot rot(Athletes Foot). It is extremely common while kayaking every day for 3 weeks. Tinactin is the best treatment for this debilitating disease that plagues many keeners feet. As I write this message I and almost every keener have tinactin of some form on their feet. You do not need to bring any tinactin but I don’t think it would hurt. All of this information will be told to you buy the keener staff within the first few days. This concludes my talk on Tinactin.

The Average Day at Keeners: By Samuel Gravel

 

1. The keener mom will wake you up and you will get to do a morning activity which is usually related to running.
2. You will make a delicious breakfast and clean your cabin, if it is not clean you will have to stay until it’s clean, every minute you’re late is 10 pushups.
3. You will have a keener meeting which usually contains what you will be doing during the day and some extra daily information.
4. You will get ready to hop onto the water and do some warm up exercises on water.
5. You get to go play and run the river and have loads of fun trying new stuff.
6. Eat a delicious warm lunch and continue to play.
7. You will hop off and get ready and head to dinner, you can do loads of stuff once you’re there.
8. Once you’re back you’ll do a few more activities and head to bed.

How Keener Weekends Work: By Pascal Fels

 There are lots of things to do during the weekend at or away from Keenerville. 

To start, for first time keeners, the first weekend you stay and to first aid for both days. If you are a second time keener you can hang out, go paddle (as long as two others go with you), or whatever you want really. And that’s how it is the second weekend for everyone. You can also travel somewhere else if your parents come pick you up. Such as, going to competitions, going to see family, etc. 

So, there are lots of things to do, and even more that aren’t listed here. Overall it is a great time.

Cleaning Monday - By Dillon Warble

 Cleaning Monday is the worst. I do everything that is mine and truthfully I don’t do a lot of the work and I am very grateful for my cabin mates. But I feel like I don’t make any of the mess and to be honest half the time the mess isn’t something I’ve seen happen by a cabin mate and most of it seems to be from visitors(coaches).the biggest thing is the floor is walked on by visitors this makes cleaning terrible. The staff should invest in a trash can outside our cabin in the thunderdome. This would make cleaning efforts on Mondays way easier. The worst part about this is the punishment. The punishment is usually push-ups and to be real I’m exhausted from just keener activities and these punishments are ruining me. The only thing I wish out of this is more time for breakfast/cleaning and a trash can in the thunderdome.

Frubity Loopity: By Cami Laakmann

Yakistan has a new pet 

Who dwells in the hole under the sink

His name?

Frubity Loopity

Frubity Loopity is a midnight snacker 

He especially enjoys Raisin Bran and popcorn

However, I must express some grievances 

He is the absolute worst cabinmate 

He leaves crumbs and wrappers all over the couches 

He poops on our plates and never washes dishes 

Sometimes, he squeaks to himself in the middle of the night

Can Frubity Loopity please be moved into an overflow cabin? 

How Not To Cook Hashbrowns: By Aidan Meadows

 Hash browns are a delicacy of potatoes fried in oil (not in Canada). They are delicious when cook the proper way and are delectable with eggs. 

How to cook:

Prep time - 30 minutes 

Cook time - 1 hour 

Fermentation time - 7 hours

Total time - 30,600 seconds

First off you grate potatoes into a bowl. (This is what you do for all fresh hash browns). Next you don’t remove the starch so they are nice and not crispy by not rinsing multiple times and then soaking. Next you don’t dry them because they aren’t wet and you put them into a pan with cold oil. Then you add a lot more oil and turn it on to medium heat. After that you wait for them to fry without stirring them for over an hour. Remember to not add salt or pepper. Then you turn off the heat and walk away for 8 hours. When you come back, you should take a nibble and then show your “masterpiece” to a friend or someone else who is in the area. (They should have significantly shrunk into tiny mushy clumps.) Wait to get their reaction (this is mandatory but doesn’t do anything). Then you throw your abomination out because you cooked them the wrong way. 

Congratulations, this is the wrong way to cook hash browns!

Robertson's Is The Best Cabin: By Dodge Harvey

Robertson is the best cabin. It is in the prime location, being right next to the boat rack, the thunder dome, and the put in. This allows for easy access, and saves a lot of time. Although while living in Robertson you are susceptible to the impeccable hearing of an individual, who is more than happy to dish out push ups. In short terms you can’t get away with a lot. The cabin itself provides a spacious living room and kitchen. As well as the only washing machine and drier in keener Ville. It also comes with the added amenities such as: an old computer, a tv that doesn’t work, and a chipmunk, that shows up occasionally like an unwanted relative. All in all Robertsons is the prime place to live at keener Ville.

Breakdown Of McCoys Rapid: By Pascal Fels

McCoys rapid is the first and one of the only class 4 rapids on the Ottawa River (the section keeners paddle). It starts with a shallow ledge/shelf on the left, and a big hole just to the right. Slightly down river is Phil’s hole. Phil’s hole extends from about 10 feet out of the right shore to about the middle of the river. Right side of Phil’s is the juiciest and most retentive, left side is still juicy but slightly less retentive, however, there is a tongue in between the two. Below that is corner wave on the right, and football eddy on the left, and there is an island in the middle which divides the river. To the right of the island, is left side and ride side horseshoe which make different wave depending on the flow. on the left side of the island is football eddy and two little trickles. Below the horseshoe is baby face or fluffy bunny, both form at different levels. Every way empties out into a huge pool. 

Failure Isn't Something To Be Angry About: By Joseph Lavigne

On the Monday speech night Stephen Wright, one of our coaches, gave an amazing speech. In this speech he used infants and toddlers perseverance to give us an example. When learning to do a new thing like walking or crawling or rolling over, babies try over and over and over again to do these things even if it hurts when they fail. The parents encourage them when they fail. This is how we should always treat failures even large ones. I face planted off Gorilla, a quite intense rapid on the Green Narrows. This failure stopped me from running it because it was so scary and I was afraid of this happening again. But the good thing is I have a video of what happened and I can easily learn from those mistakes. Even though it could’ve been much worse, it wasn’t and i’m able to paddle another day. So when I get back im gonna use the experience from my failure and add it to my arsenal of ways to improvise in hairy situations. Don’t beat yourself up about messing up lines, even on stuff you do all the time. All this is doing is making you worse and wasting time that you could be using learning from your mistakes and overcoming them.

Don't Eat The WT Mac n Cheese: By Evan Bate

On that fateful day (Thursday July 25) after some wild beatdowns in Phills and Sadlers the keeners needed some grub. It was bbq chicken night at WT, the sides for bbq night are potato’s and Mac and cheese. As we neared the end of the diner line my unnamed roommate “COUGH COUGH Joe” me a terrible gametime decision and said yes to mac & cheese. This is quite important because previously everyone who ate this mac & cheese was gassy and had a messed up stomach. Everyone who did not eat It was fine. The night went on and all quiet on the Western front. We went to bed, but soon tragedy struck. I woke up, coughing in the room smelled awful. I stood up and asked my roommate “bro did you just rip?” He responded “Yeah” as he lets out yet another of one of the loudest most putrid farts ever. Soon chaos instilled and I barely managed to escape the room. The smell was so awful. I could not bring myself to go back to the room and I made the decision to sleep on the couch for the next hour and a half. When I woke back up, I went back into the room and it was better and we have been Incident free since. This goes out as a warning to all returning in future Keeners the mac & cheese is toxic.

Best Things To Do In Keeners: By Dillon Warble

One of the things thats good to do in Keeners is make sure to eat as much as possible and more than you might think because you need the calories. In Keeners the water might be scary but it’s very safe and this is made clear but still just try stuff. Another thing is to make sure to do is make friends. Hygiene is a long topic but it’s very important to shower so you don’t get infections. Make sure to brush your teeth twice a day because issues with your teeth could be a huge pain to deal with. Make sure to bring deodorant because you don’t want to stink up the place and also do laundry and not repeat clothes. Thursdays are many people’s favorite day even though it seems deadly. Thursday is very safe and Phil’s will give you a ride same with Sattlers but you won’t hit any rocks and if you swim it won’t hold you so there is nothing to be afraid of but just enjoy the ride. 

That is the stuff in keeners that is a must.

Why The Ottawa River Is An Amazing River: By Samuel Gravel

The Ottawa River is full of a large variety of different beautiful high-volume rapids and surf waves. The rapid is full of a ton of surf waves, each wave being amazing for different tricks. This makes the Ottawa river amazing because of the amount of tricks that are possible on these waves. At the ottawa river, the water levels are always changing which makes it very fun as every time you hop onto the water, you can expect a different ride. The change of water levels are very nice because on some days you could be surfing amazing waves like babyface and push button which are amazing and on some other days, other amazing play spots would be open. There are many different types of rapids on this river, they range from chutes like Garvins to high volume waves and holes which can be found in rapids like Mccoys and Coliseum.

The river is nice because of the 2 channels you can go down, you could go down the middle which is a much calmer channel, but it has a few rapids which will challenge even the greatest paddlers. 

You could go down the main channel which is where most of the significant rapids are, each rapid is very large and fun to go down, but at high water is when it starts to get real crazy. 

Week 1: By Evan Bate

 At first I thought that the first few days would be awkward, but It was the opposite. The way people slowly trickle in makes it so that way you meet each other one at a time and that makes it better in my opinion. Keeners also instills teamwork from the very beginning. One example of this is each morning you have to cook your own breakfast. On the first morning, we made eggs, bacon, and strawberry pancakes. 

That leads me to my next topic “Food at Keeners”. 

Each day for lunch you either get premade sandwiches or you get to grill your own food while on the river. Most nights for dinner we go to Wilderness Tours and have some form of chicken. I like that you learn to cook your own food because for some kids, it is not a common occurrence at home. 

With all that being said. So far, Keeners has been a blast and I am having a great time.

Cleaning In White House: By Pascal Fels

There are many different tasks to do to clean White House, and ways to do them.

Some are more effective than others, which will be explained in this blog. 

To start: One person is being proactive and trying to get things done, the other cabin mates don’t want to, and it takes along time for the one to do all the cleaning. This results in the cabin being late to the thunderdome and having to do push up’s. 

Next up: 2-5 of the cabin mates decide to start helping out. This gets things done faster, even though it’s not super quick. The cabin mates doing the cleaning get very frustrated with the ones who aren’t.

The best: Everyone in the cabin is doing something to help even if it’s just tidying their room. Everything gets done quickly and they get praised for their good work.

In conclusion, everyone should participate in cleaning some way, even if it’s just small things at a time.

The legend of corner wave Part 1: A tale of Humans and Monsters - By: Dan Meisenheimer

Once upon a time long ago, two races ruled over the earth. Humans and monsters*. For many years, they coexisted in peace. Each side usually stayed within their respective territories, and occasionally traded with each other. They both established resident embassies in each other’s capitals, and respected each other’s unique cultures.

This all ended in one stupid move. An entire world thrown into war all because of something that happened in a rather inconspicuous region known as the Ottawa Valley.

One thirsty human named George was wavering on the woods, and stumbled upon a great river. When he went to take a drink of the cool water, he was attacked by an overzealous orc. George was completely unaware that he had wandered across the commonly agreed on border. When the humans learned of this murder, they were obviously furious at the monsters, and they decided to kill any monster that came near their side of the border.

Unfortunately, one day a dragon, named Sattler, ventured too close to the border and was brutally murdered. The humans, in a display of power, dragged the body of the dragon to the great river at the top of a bit of current where that poor dragon rests to this day now petrified as the rock that forms Sattler’s hole.

When the other monsters caught wind of this, they were extremely angry, and now that both sides had lost an innocent person to the other, total war was about to break out.

*totally original opening sentence (courtesy of Undertale)

Hot Lunch: By Aidan Meadows

During this last week we have had the privilege to use a kitchen with a grill to cook warm lunches every day. The lunch spot is located below garburator wave and has a nice view of the river. 

The kitchen is great and has a large grill to cook burgers, a counter top to organize and serve food, a fridge to keep extra food cool, and a large sink to wash dishes. When we arrive, we open up the kitchen by opening the large serving window that views into the whole kitchen, wash our hands, turn on the grill, and get the food out of the fridge. Normally there are three chefs, two on the grill and one opening up and chopping toppings to go onto the burgers. It is important for us to keep different foods separate such as gluten free and gluten burgers along with veggie and non veggie options. Once all of the food is cooked and eaten, we bag up all of the extra, clean up and close it down, and leave it better than how we found it because we aren’t the only people using it. 

We are all very grateful to be able to have warm lunch on the water. It warms us up and cheers us up after giant beat downs in Phil’s hole. 

Trying Everything: By Jospeh Lavigne

The Ottawa river is a world class river for playboating because of its unique features at every level. Another reason novice and veteran paddlers alike are drawn to it is because of its lack of consequences in the main features. 

At keeners they encourage you to go into some pretty meaty hydraulics and waves that may seem like they would put a paddler who may not have strong surfing skills in a precarious situation. But despite the intimidating look of these rapids and features they are really not gonna do much more than toss you around while you’re in your boat. So with all this being said you can see why you should not hesitate to try something that is maybe way out of your comfort zone. Throwing yourself into these new and scary situations is an amazing way to progress quickly and to become much more comfortable if you are ever in a pinch where if you swim in a hole you may not come out as easily as Phil’s or maybe you need to surf a wave like Kahuna to get to the other side of the river to avoid a nasty drop. So when you come to keeners make sure that you try whatever trick you were thinking of into that giant hole or maybe try to hang on for a little longer while you’re tumbling in phil’s, because you have nothing to lose by doing so. 

Make sure that you try everything (that was deemed safe by the coaches) so that you can bring out the best in yourself. 

Thank you.

Joe

Week 1 Blog: By Dodge Harvey

I first learned to kayak in a canyon. I was ten, I think, when my mom woke me up and said, “Your going kayaking.” Since then I’ve been hooked. My entire kayaking experience has been in canyons. So it was a huge change to come to the Ottawa River. The high volume and huge hydrolics has been a big change. It has been so much fun running a new river that is completely different from what I am used to. And I am super stoked about all the new stuff I am learning about freestyle and general boating.

How To Carp To Infinity: By Cami Laakmann

 Hello everyone! I heard you want to carp? Forever and ever? Enough to make your rescue team panic? 

Well I can help. I am, in fact, the queen of carping. 

It all starts with the setup. You MUST make sure your hands and paddle are still in the water when you begin. Additionally, it helps if you try to twist far far away from your paddle. Now as you sweep your paddle, I would appreciate it if you yank straight down on the far blade and make no attempt to hip snap. Keeping a tense body and panicked mindset really helps with this.

You’re doing great!

Next, we need to ensure that your head is the very first thing that emerges from the water. Sometimes, it can be helpful to have a friend watch to check that your beautiful face appears before anything else! We want to see that shiny smile.

Now this final step is THE MOST important of them all. As you fall back upside down into the water, please make absolutely NO attempt to fix any of the above instructions. Doing so would completely hinder your ability to carp to infinity. Try to do the exact thing over and over, making no changes to technique. This will ensure success!

Enjoy!

Why Sav Is Better Than Xavier- By Jaxon White

Have you ever tried fist bumping someone but they fake you out and try to embarrass you? 

If so, you and I are much alike. Because this is exactly what Xavier did to me TWICE. Which made me very infuriated and so I had to do the same thing right back to him. This is a very good reason that Sav is better than him because she would NEVER do this to a poor keener. And instead, would give them the best fist bump EVER. Another reason that Sav is better than Xavier is because she’s better than him at knockout. And here at keeners, we take our knockout very seriously and apparently Xavier does not. Which is very unfortunate for him, because it’s a very fun game. Some people may say that Xavier is a very cool guy because he sings along to all the songs that are played at WT, but, though he may sing along, that does not mean that his voice is pretty as it gives a very excruciating pain when listened to. 

In conclusion Savannah is better than Xavier because he fakes you out when he fist bumps you, which Sav would never do. In addition, she is so much better at knockout, which makes her far more superior in a keener’s eyes because we take knockout seriously. And this is why Savannah is much better than Xavier in most ways imaginable. 

The Last Day Of Keeners: By Collins Green

On the last day of Keeners we got to kayak on the middle channel. On flat water we got the opportunity to work on flat water loops and loop strokes. Then we got to go to 7-8 hole and work on some loops in a hole. Next we got to surf and eat lunch at Angel’s Kiss. We then moved down to Butterfly rapid and got to do the Friday Keener freestyle competition. Next some of us got to go down Staircase or Dragon’s Tongue. Although, some Keeners chose to walk. Finally we paddled to the takeout in water-filled boats, loaded up our gear and came back to Keenerville for our last night of the session.

The Best Beatdowns Of My Life: By Conall Plunkett

The best beatdowns that I have had on the Ottawa River were on two separate rapids. My first beatdown was at Lower No Name at around 11 feet.  I was ready to run a good lap down the center of Lower No Name and then catch the eddy on the right to surf the Right Now Wave. I hit the fist few waves thinking that all was well until I saw Vampire, Vampire is a sticky hole at Lower levels, but at the time, I didn't know it was fine at 11 feet. I frantically paddle to the left side to avoid it when I hit a small hole that pushes me into an unnamed hole. I had surfed this hole before when I missed a ferry to Right Now Wave but it wasn't that bad, but this time was different. I feel the hole catch me and push me into a side surf, I fight as hard as I can to stay upright, but to no avail. I feel the water catch my side and violently flip me, I am still fighting, so I roll back up into the hole and continue surfing. I start thinking that I could pull my skirt and jump out of my boat, but I suddenly flip again and my paddle is torn from my hand. With no other option, I reach for my spray skirt and pull it off, violently ejecting me from the boat, thus ending my first good beatdown 30 seconds after I entered. My second time was just recently, we had run the middle section again, but this time we decided to run Garvin's Ledge. We ran a new line named Dragon's Fire, a 6 foot drop onto a hole, but you have to paddle a few inches away from a rock to make a soft landing. If you miss that line, you will land on a sharp rock. I was set up and ready to go when I feel the edge of the drop. I take a hard boof stroke a foot away from the right line and slam down onto the rock, I then feel fine thinking that the worst has past, but there was more yet to come. I feel myself get jetted into a very violent hole where I side surf until it flips me, it nearly lets me out but pulls me back in at the last second. I roll back up, but instantly get flipped, I try again, but I lose my paddle. I start trying to pull my spray skirt, but the water is pushing me away. I suddenly feel my head go above water ant take a deep breath, but I go back under quickly after. I finally get a hold of my skirt and pull it off 10 seconds after I got stuck thus ending my best beatdown, but there is still time for another.

Why Savv4x Is Awesome: By Elliot

Savv4x is awesome because Savanah lets me call her

Savv.

Savanah makes sure that I eat. Savannah is the provider, she feeds all of us. 

Savanah makes breakfast with us sometimes! She is also an amazing paddler!!!!! She also knows my friend who is like the best so then Savanah is the best too!!!!

Conclusion Savv is awesome except she makes me do pushups sometimes!!!! 

Written by you favourite ginger keener on July 9, 2024

How To Survive A Week At Keeners: By Conall Plunkett

 Speech Monday.Get ready after your arrival. Meet the instructors. Meet the other keeners there. Find your cabin and room. Prepare for your speech. Get your rental equipment if you have it. Get a tour of Keenerville. Leave for dinner at Wilderness Tours. Present a speech.

Knots Tuesday.
Wake up and make breakfast. Get your paddling clothes on. Have a small meeting. Get your gear on. Run the middle channel after some basic practice. Get dinner. Learn some knots with Greg.

Racing Wednesday.
Wake up and make breakfast. Get paddling clothes on. Paddle again. Do some racing as a timed race. Get dinner. Return to camp.

Beat down Thursday.
Wake up ready for a beat down! Make food. Get paddling clothes on. Have a meeting. Get on the water. Run the main channel and maybe surf Phil's. Return to camp. Have dinner. Watch footage of the day.

Competition Friday.
Wake up and make breakfast. Get paddling clothes on. Have a meeting. Get on the water. Go to Angel's Kiss and have a freestyle competition. Continue down. Go to camp. Get dinner. Return and score points from the competition. Determine a winner. Give out the racing, freestyle, and beat down ribbons.

Saturday.
Wake up and make food. If you have Wilderness First Aid, begin that. If you don't get two others, including one senior Keener, and run the river. Have dinner brought to camp.

Sunday.
The same as Saturday. 

How To Make Chicken Nuggets At Keeners: By Conall Plunkett

 Step one. Borrow exactly 3.19327582 kilograms of flour, no more no less, from Yakistan.

Step two. Acquire exactly two chicken breasts with a combined volume of .9231 liters, no more no less, from Wilderness Tours. Then cut the chicken into exactly 13 nuggets with a length of exactly 3.63 centimeters and a width of 2 centimeters. 

Step three. Mix the flour with exactly 2 liters of milk, no more no less. Then coat the nuggets with and even, 1mm thick coat of batter.

Step four. Aquire a baking tray that is nineteen by thirteen centimeters, no more no less.

Step five. Once optimal volume, metrics, and nuggets count have been reached, continue with the baking process. Find an oven with an average height of .9144 meters with an average inside dimension of .6096 to 1.0668 cubic meters of cooking space in order to achieve optimal cooking requirements. Once you have located said oven, turn the oven on and and set the temperature to 475, no more no less. Once you have achieved said temperature, set the pan inside the oven at an angle of 65 degrees, no more no less, and slowly, at a speed of 3 meters per second, insert the pan into the oven and gently close the door. Around 20 minutes into the baking process, turn on the light inside the oven, and check nuggets for any obstructions or anomalies. Once finished checking the nuggets, you must at once take the nuggets out and stick a temperature gauge into 13/15ths of the nuggets in order to achieve optimal baking standards. Once done, you may set the tray back into the oven and continue to monitor the baking process. Continue this process until you have reached 60 minutes into the baking process. Once you have reached 60 minutes into the baking process, take the tray out of the oven and let sit for no more than 5 minutes. Precisely once five minutes have passed since you took the tray out of the oven, you may begin to check the temperature of each nuggets as you pick them up from the tray. A nugget must be no more than 37.7778C for consumption to be possible. 

If a nuggets is more than 37.7778C, place it just outside in a bag for pickup by Steve or the local CBRNE team. Once you have collected the nuggets suited for consumption, you may begin to eat. Enjoy your breakfast.

Horror River Stories: By Auryan Silva

 

Here is a collection of horror stories involving rivers to fear over when going kayaking. These tales from around the world have the potential to keep you from sleeping peacefully, as Keenerville is right in front of the river. Beware, children!

The Weeping Woman (Mexican Myth)

"La Llorona," which means "The Weeping Woman" in Spanish, is a popular Mexican legend about a woman named Maria. In the story, Maria drowned her children in a river out of jealousy. When she realized what she had done, she was overcome with grief and drowned herself. Her spirit is said to wander near bodies of water, crying and looking for her lost children. People claim to have heard her wailing at night, making her a chilling figure in Mexican folklore. She wanders at night screaming, "My children! My children!"

The Legend of the Serpent River (Brazilian Myth)

Deep in the Amazon rainforest lies Rio das Cobras, the Serpent River. According to legend, it was once a tranquil waterway until a shaman's forbidden magic turned it into a winding serpent. This giant anaconda guards the river, luring wanderers with its enchanting song. Indigenous tribes believe it traps souls, crossing into the spirit realm. Travelers are warned to respect its sacredness, for disturbing it risks a journey into darkness, where ancient powers still reign.

The Haunting of Moonlit River (Japanese Myth)

In the depths of ancient Japan's misty valleys, Tsukimi no Kawa, the Moonlit River, weaves through shadowed forests. Legend whispers of Hikari, a maiden whose love with a samurai ended in tragedy. Consumed by sorrow, she drowned herself in the river, cursing it with her anguish.

On moonlit nights, Hikari's spirit emerges—a pale figure draped in white, her eyes gleaming with sorrowful light. Her mournful song echoes through the mist, drawing wanderers to the riverbank. Those who glimpse her face risk madness or being ensnared in her watery grasp.

Villagers dare not speak her name, fearing to invoke her wrath. Lantern-lit rituals seek to appease her restless spirit, but tales persist of travelers vanishing without a trace near the Moonlit River, forever lost in the haunting embrace of Hikari's sorrow.

I hope this compilation of myths made you sweat a little. Don't worry; nothing will come for you because at Keenerville, we are all protected by the fearless warrior, Puppy!

Steps For Surfing Satlers: By Orin Gartner

There are a few things to keep in mind if you are thinking about surfing Satalers. 

First, keep in mind that Satlers is very violent and fast. Second, it is very steep so you can easily throw lots of ends like loops and cartwheels. So keeping this is mind you are now in the river right eddy above Macoys. You will have an extreme amount of adrenaline and will have to take some deep breaths to calm down. When it is your turn peel out and paddle to right above the hump into Satalers, prepare yourself for a thrashing. Depending where you point you will do different things, surfers left is calmer and you can get out, surfers right is steep and that is where you will do ends. After you get out you can also go into left side if your still in your boat and get thrashed even more!

Morning Dance Parties - By Collins Green

 For the past two days Yakistan has morning dance parties using Anna’s turtlebox speaker. 

On Thursday and Friday Auryan and I got to listen to Taylor Swift all morning. On Thursday Savannah even joined us while making breakfast. Then on Saturday we got to listen to lots of Lana Del Rey. On Saturday we also got to make lots of pancakes while listening. Cabin morning dance parties are great when you have another person who likes your music. This is because you get to listen to all the songs you like without the other Keeners complaining about it. 

So this is why morning dance parties are great and everybody should have one.

Don't Go On The Hospital Field Trip- By William Zegart

There are many things that are listed to you by the Keeners rules on what not to do such as: don’t enter other cabins, no bullying, turn in your blog on time, wear your keener’s shirt for dinner, and other such rules. However, one such unspoken rule that doesn’t feel like a rule is don’t get injured. This unstated rule is very important to follow for an enjoyable time at keeners. I myself did not follow this rule. As such I can give you a good idea on why not to break the rule. Firstly, it’s painful and ruins your time at keeners. Depending on how severe the injury, it can either make you sore for the rest of the day, possibly ruining some surfs or tricks, or it can completely take you off the water for several days and even up to a week. 

Secondly, if it is severe you may miss fun days such as Beatdown Thursdays or Freestyle Fridays. These days are some of the most fun at Keeners and they suck to miss. 

Finally, if it is severe to the point you need stitches or something similar, you will have to go to the hospital. This is one of the worst parts after missing days on the water. Due to Canada having free healthcare the wait in the ER is tedious and long. For myself I had to wait 4 hours just to see the doctor and then another hour of the operation. All together at the hospital I spent about 6 hours though because of check in and seeing nurses and then the long waiting. This time in the hospital is torture and you just want to be fixed a go back to Keenerville. Instead though you are forced to wait in a bleak waiting room that feels out of some horror game loading screen. Meanwhile, all you can do is just wait while continually checking the time while still knowing there are many people in front of you. Also, it can take much longer than 4 hours being up to something like an 8 hour wait just to see the doctor. 

In the end, be safe while out on the water because you don’t want to ruin your time at Keeners by getting injured and sitting out for a couple days. 

The Best Things To Buy At Walmart: By Anna Monson

The first thing you should buy at Walmart is snack foods like chips or cookies. 

The next best thing is to buy candy. The reason for this is because candy is delicious and it is a good snack for over the weekend. 

The reason for buying snacks is because they are snacks and they are delicious. You should also buy essentials like a speaker or chargers. The reason you should buy a speaker is because you can play music. Chargers are important for charging your phone or headphones. 

How To Be A Keener Without A Roll: By Elliot Straszynski

If you don’t have a roll it may prevent you from trying some things, or running some absolutely sick rapids, that’s ok! You better always be stoked that you’re on the river and you will be!

Be a cautious boater, running conservative lines and doing things that are within your comfort zone. 

Make sure to place yourself in between people who are reliable to always be ready for a rescue. 

Practice makes perfect and this rings true with rolls. Practice your roll at every chance you have so that you can improve.

Your roll will come along but when you get cold or are tired of practicing it try out new fun tricks

Thank you,

Elliot

How To Recirculate In 7-8 Hole While Swimming- By Jaxon White

 Whether you’re doing it as a drill/game or by accident, swimming through 7-8 hole and getting recirculated is pretty hard to actually do, so here are a few steps to make sure you are successful in doing so. 

 The first step is to get on the closest rock above the hole that you can jump out into the river on and have a chance at being successful. Next, make sure you have safety set up in case you are getting recirculated too violently and need out of the hole. 

  To get into the hole, you need to make sure you jump out as far as you can. As you do this, you need to make sure you are jumping on your side and straight  to protect your body from rocks. And immediately after jumping, you must swim as hard and fast as possible to get to the middle of the hole. 

  Once you go through the hole successfully, you must immediately swim back to the top of the hole and make sure to swim straight towards the middle of it and not to swim off to the corner of it so you can get the best experience possible.

   And when you make it to the top middle of the hole, turn around on your back and face the opposite direction of the hole. Also to get as deep as possible, try to catch the water with your hands/ arms and don’t go into a ball. And then, BRACE FOR IMPACT, because the water can be pretty powerful in pushing you under. And once this is done, you can try to repeat these steps if you want back in it, or swim into the football eddy to get to safety. And don’t forget to spread the STOKE after you get successfully recirculated!

 

Big water Thursday pt.2: By James Van Geilswyk

 I was in session 2 last year and I made a blog about beatdown Thursday. This year instead of beatdowns it was just a high water run of the Ottawa. The level usually is higher in this session so we got around 14 on the gauge. This meant that the waves on some of the rapids were 10+ feet tall and super fun. First part of the day was a normal Phil’s surf, having fun in left side and surfing if possible (Note: we only really did one run). Next was a paddle down on the flat towards the Lorne/Lunch stop. This was a humungous rapid with a hole we named “Demetor” that looked so very fun. Mini bus and big bus were in and we got to run the lines and surf. After lunch and some mini rapids we arrived at Coliseum. This rapid has a hole named white face monster with a tongue to the left and a wave train followed by a small hole. The bottom of this also had a huge pour over where dogs leg usually is. All in all this was one of my favourite days kayaking ever and I hope the rest of this session (and the next 2) have as good of a Thursday as this past one has been.  

How to Avoid Becoming a Popsicle on the River: By Auryan Silva

 Here's how to survive the cold on the river at Keeners. There are going to be cold rainy days, so here is a survival guide to avoid freezing.

• Bring a dry top and wear long sleeve layers underneath. If you do not possess a dry top, wear several neoprene tops.

• Never stop moving. Sitting still in one position will make you colder than paddling around.

• If your hands start to freeze, move your shoulders up and down with your arms straight and fingers pointing to the sides.

• If you get out of the kayak, find stable ground and jump in place to heat your body with exercise.

• If none of the above works, getting thrashed at Mini bus will momentarily make you forget your discomfort and focus on not drowning. Later, the adrenaline from surviving will kick in.

In conclusion, when packing for Keeners, don't listen to those cold immune people when they say that the water will be warm and the weather sunny and hot. Don't listen! Bring your polar hoodies, kids, and dry top with fuzzy under layers because you will find yourself on the water chattering your teeth. Being at Keeners will make it more bearable because you're so excited by the events that sometimes you will forget that your hands feel numb.

P.S the month of your session may vary the temperature and even if you are in the cold you are going to have a great time play boating or if you're like me trying to, I guarantee you'll maybe freeze to death but you'll die happy.

What Is Trust: By Elliot Straszynski

 There are many different types of trust and it is circumstantial. Dangerous settings are usually the times trust within a team is the most important.

On the river safety is your number one priority, shared with having fun. This means you need to have people who you can trust to have fun and focus on their paddling, while also making sure everyone around them is safe.

There have been many times where I relied on people to help rescue my boat and paddle.

Setting up for safety is also important you need to trust that people know what to do when a situation arises.

I ask someone to go before me and set up safety for when I’m riding a wave, because then if I cannot get my roll (which happens way too much) I don’t need to bail and waste more time.

The other thing that is extremely important is being able to trust that people have your best interests in mind. When someone tells you the tongue between minibus and big bus is fine that there isn’t an island with and undercut around the corner after.

The Day I Lost My Phone: By Collins Green

 On Wednesday I woke up and got ready to go kayaking. I packed my dry box full of my extra nose plugs, EpiPen, benadryl, and my beautiful iPhone 12 Pro. I then got on the river with other Keeners and did some flat water. I accomplished some majestic double pumps and bow stalls. Then we walked up and ran Initiation rapid for funsies as well as to get a feel for the rapid. But, since Wednesday was race day, we had to run a race with a partner. In this race, one partner got to hand paddle and the other went down holding both paddles. We then proceeded to kayak down the middle channel and race Little Trickle. Next, we got to run down, surf, and eat lunch at Angel’s Kiss. I even got some cartwheels on flat water after lunch! At the end of the day, after surfing and racing at other spots, we approached Lower No Name. This is a dangerous and harrowing rapid. Be warned! This rapid may look like a fun and happy time, but it is just a trap to pull credulous kayakers into its grasp. I was one of those idiot kayakers. I turned around, unsuspecting, looking to surf in this huge and fun hole. I even had some fun! I got a spin and side surfed but then… I flipped!!! I waited and waited for the hole to flush me out, but it never did. Finally, I gave up and pulled my skirt. I exited my boat, and the hole decided it was time for revenge for daring to have fun. The hole secretly stole all of the contents in my dry box but left the box behind! Heidi and Stephen helped rescue my remaining belongings as I swam to shore. I had also hurt my leg and was distracted by the pain. We had been sitting on shore for around 15 minutes when Heidi pointed at my dry box and said: “I hope you didn't have anything important in your dry box.” I proceeded to break down and curse the gods for my terrible luck and then yelled at the hole for good measure.  We then paddled to the takeout and I hobbled up to the van with my paddle and gear while William assisted with my boat. For the rest of the day I wallowed in my misery and that is the story of the day I lost my phone.

Why Popcorn is the Best Post River Snack at Keeners - Jaxon White

  Keeners can involve some very long tiring days on the river which can make a person have quite an appetite. But lucky enough for this person, in their cabins they can find the perfect snack, POPCORN. 

   The first reason that popcorn is by far the most superior snack for after the river is that it is nice and warm. And on the days after the river when you might be feeling cold, this is the perfect fix.

   Also, popcorn is an amazing option for a post river snack because it is very quick and easy to make. So if you’re in a quick pinch on time and need to meet in the thunderdome as soon as possible but are just too unbearably hungry, this is the perfect option for you. 

   Finally, popcorn is the best option for a snack following a long day because it is a great snack to share with fellow Keeners and friends. Popcorn always tends to make people happy, which means it’s the perfect snack to unwind after a long day on the river. 

   In conclusion,  Popcorn stands out as a superior snack after a long day on the river because some days on the river can be chilly, and coming back to some nice warm popcorn is KILLER. Secondly, popcorn is super duper easy to make and can be perfect for situations when you don’t have much time. And lastly it is an amazing snack to eat while unwinding  with friends after a long day on the river. Oh, and don’t forget about its SUPER SATISFYING CRUNCH.

Don't Be Nervous: By William Zegart

 Coming into Keeners you might be nervous, scared, or terrified. I myself was all of these as well. I was also excited for the experience and fun I would have, but was still nervous to be with people who I know would all be better at kayaking and going down huge waves. I was scared of being embarrassed in front of fellow peers and even myself. However, there is no need for that! The whole program is so welcoming and friendly. All your fellow peers lift you up and elevate you to become better. There is no reason to be scared; you’re going to have a blast! Of course nerves are still allowed but don’t be nervous about your level. All levels are welcome. After all, I didn’t even have a roll which is extremely important. However, instead the coaches Heidi, Steven, and Savannah allowed me to go with an adult beginners class until I could roll and was ready to join the group. This relieved me and motivated me to get my roll as quickly as possible so I could rejoin the amazing coaches and my fellow keeners. In the end, you’re allowed to be scared or nervous as it is a new environment and situation for all. However, just know everyone is in the same boat as you, or kayak I should say, and you will be welcomed no matter your skill level. Just enjoy the time you have and do as much as you can as are willing to do.

P.S. Do come with a fairly consistent white water roll as this will allow you to have much more fun with your fellow keeners and coaches. Also, here is a joke:
Why did the kayaker refuse to quit?
Because they didn't want to throw in the paddle!

How To Make A Quesadilla: By Orin Gartner

To make that best quesadilla, it might not be healthy for you but is still really good, you only need a tortilla and some cheese. 

First, you have to prepare a tortilla by covering 1/2 of it with cheese. You can also put as much or as little cheese as you want and you can also make it as big as you want. While you're doing that, heat up a pan that your tortilla can fit in pretty hot. 

Then after the pan is hot, fold the tortilla over the other half with the cheese and put it on the pan. Wait until the cheese is soft or melted and then flip. While the other side is heating up, sprinkle some cheese on the side that is facing up and then flip soon after. Sprinkle more cheese on the side that is now facing up and flip it when the cheese on the other side is crispy to your liking. 

The quesadilla will be done when both sides have the crispy cheese to your liking.

Week 1 Keeners - Anna Monson

 We have had a very eventful week here at keeners so far. Monday was pretty uneventful because it was the first day. Tuesday was the same I was working on double pumps and other keeners were working on other skills. Wednesday Collins got beat down in a bad hole at the bottom of lower no name and lost her phone and EpiPen. Thursday we did the main channel and surfed mini-bus and bus eater. Friday Conall got beat down in the same hole as Collins. Saturday we got to chill out while many of the keeners did first aid training. Sunday has been about the same so far.