The Day I Lost My Phone: By Collins Green

 On Wednesday I woke up and got ready to go kayaking. I packed my dry box full of my extra nose plugs, EpiPen, benadryl, and my beautiful iPhone 12 Pro. I then got on the river with other Keeners and did some flat water. I accomplished some majestic double pumps and bow stalls. Then we walked up and ran Initiation rapid for funsies as well as to get a feel for the rapid. But, since Wednesday was race day, we had to run a race with a partner. In this race, one partner got to hand paddle and the other went down holding both paddles. We then proceeded to kayak down the middle channel and race Little Trickle. Next, we got to run down, surf, and eat lunch at Angel’s Kiss. I even got some cartwheels on flat water after lunch! At the end of the day, after surfing and racing at other spots, we approached Lower No Name. This is a dangerous and harrowing rapid. Be warned! This rapid may look like a fun and happy time, but it is just a trap to pull credulous kayakers into its grasp. I was one of those idiot kayakers. I turned around, unsuspecting, looking to surf in this huge and fun hole. I even had some fun! I got a spin and side surfed but then… I flipped!!! I waited and waited for the hole to flush me out, but it never did. Finally, I gave up and pulled my skirt. I exited my boat, and the hole decided it was time for revenge for daring to have fun. The hole secretly stole all of the contents in my dry box but left the box behind! Heidi and Stephen helped rescue my remaining belongings as I swam to shore. I had also hurt my leg and was distracted by the pain. We had been sitting on shore for around 15 minutes when Heidi pointed at my dry box and said: “I hope you didn't have anything important in your dry box.” I proceeded to break down and curse the gods for my terrible luck and then yelled at the hole for good measure.  We then paddled to the takeout and I hobbled up to the van with my paddle and gear while William assisted with my boat. For the rest of the day I wallowed in my misery and that is the story of the day I lost my phone.