How to be Stephen Wright - Bennett Fleming

Of all the wonderful aspects of keeners, one of the best would be the coaches. Be it Joel Kowalski or Nick Troutman, all the coaches at keeners are top notch, but none stand out more than Stephen Wright. In my opinion he is the best coach here at keeners, and to pay tribute to his greatness I have created a simple yet effective guide on how to be Steve-O.

Step 1: Be short and bald.
Two of the most defining traits of our fine coach would be his small stature and his striking hair (or lack thereof). If you are naturally short and bald, good job! You have completed step one. For others, some measures may need to be taken. The hair can be attained by simply by shaving the top of your head, but there are options if you are tall. One option is to crouch. Another way is to chop your feet off, a piece of advice Steve-O once gave to keeners that could not fit in their boats. After completion of step, you may proceed to...

Step 2: Give advice.
Here it starts to get more difficult. The trick here is to give advice whether it be good advice, bad advice, or absolutely terrible advice. Some notable examples include: how to cheat at the garbage game, how to lose races, the aforementioned height trick, and various other actual pieces of advice that would help one kayak. Once the tips you give to people around you have them either A: stare at you in disbelief, B: laugh, or C: run away, you have completed step 2 and may proceed to...

Step 3: Be good at kayaking. Like really good.
I'm not joking. Be REALLY good. This includes, but is not limited to: creek boating, hole boating, wave boating, squirt boating, etc. The key to this step is to practice. A lot. Once you have become fantastic at all these types of boating and more, you may proceed to step 4...

Step 4: Smile.
Alright, sarcasm aside, Stephen Wright is an amazing person and one of my personal role models. It doesn't matter if he's critiquing you, telling you to clean up, or even trying to get excited for your own future failures, any action that Steve-O does is never without a smile. I honestly have no tips other than be the best person you can be and smile in whatever you do.

Congratulations! If you successfully complete theses four steps, you will be a short, bald, ,smiling, and wise kayaker that may or may not resemble Stephen Wright. For further tips, try living in a van, or owning a black dog named Black Dog. In the odd yet lovable place that is keeners, you can find the odd yet lovable coach that is Stephen Wright.

Thanks for reading,

Bennett Fleming