Chapter I
In Which, By Way of a Great Tragedy, Adventure
Commences
Also, I Now Officially have
to Start Googling Roman Numerals.
“Kayakin is hard.”
-
Dane Jackson
Okay yeah maybe Dane never said that but don’t
these things usually have some kind of an meaningful inspirational quote at the
start? If you want a real one, here. “Adventure without risk is Disneyland.”
That’s from Doug Copland and I don’t even know who he is. But that was actually
a good quote and we can’t have too many of those in here. This blog right
here’s for the yucks, ya see? Hi. I’m Casey Dorfman. If you’re reading this
blog and you’ve never heard of me well, heck, I ain’t that surprised. If you’re
reading this blog and you do know me, you might want to after reading this. Now
let me just say that this is a work of fiction. Any characters resembling
people in real life is pure coincidence. Except for the ones that are people in
real life. Now without further ado, let the adventure begin because honestly
it’s three in the morning and I’m eating chocolate wrapped in salami. International travel is in all likelihood the most excruciating
experience on planet earth so I’ll try to make this brief. On a one afternoon
in July, a fair young lad (apparently we’re in a Brothers Grimm story now)
named Carl Dorfman, armed only with a record player, kayak, and a laptop, set
out to a land fraught with even more whitewater than America: L’Canada. A land
filled with turmoil, beauty and for some reason, penguins. “I mean seriously,
how actually did penguins get in there?” asked Casey in the whitehouse.
Wait, wasn’t this supposed to be about something? Whatever. So this boy of sixteen years old we’re
talking about here, Casey, was a hipster, a kayaker, an expert kickboxer and
lover of the Muppets. These bits are gonna come in handy later in case I wasn’t
obvious enough. Gosh, I’m a terrible author. Side note, if you haven’t been
reading this in a cool British accent the whole time, shame on you. So start
doing it you bloody Steve Buscemi-like voice mate. Ah keeners, if you haven’t heard of it your
probably just a normal person, no actually, it’s a group of kayakers that live
together deep in the heart of Canada who say ‘whitewater’ in a terrible
southern accent. Gosh, now I’m hungry.
Time for a study break kids, I’ll be right back. Don’t worry if you find me in the
freezer. It’s all part of growing up.
Ahem, Well anyway, if it wasn’t already obvious enough, we kayak, which
basically consists of being in small plastic boats and getting pummeled by huge
hydraulic waves. Really its great, you
should definitely try it out. So
Tuesday, I think I’m supposed to be blogging for that day, well what did we do? Oh yeah I remember, we swam. There’s a giant eddy near a massive wall of
whitewater called football eddy. Well,
swimming is a stretch, it was more like wading in rapids with 25 pounds of
gear. Anyway, it was cold, raining, and
wet, wait second sidenote, is actually water wet? Okay never mind, but the
swims definitely going in the wes Anderson video. I’ll put the video up once I’m done so maybe
just hang out until then. peace. casey
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