What scares me?
The dark… boogy men… junk food… violence… family death… hatred… guns… mean cats… a world without tea… dieing… snakes… people addicted to their cell phones… horror movies… being stranded… Shakespeare… and quite a bit more!
My name is Kate Rowan and I am a terrified keener from British Columbia, Canada. Though this is where I call home, it will not be where I live for very much longer. Three weeks from now I am moving to Pune, India, where I will live and study for 2 years on my own without my family.
Keeners can be a very challenging program if you embrace every opportunity you are presented with. Even though at keeners I rarely see mean cats, boogy men or Shakespeare, (unfortunately I can’t hide from the dark or junk food) there are a lot of frightening endeavors to take part in. Frequently, I find myself questioning why at school we always hear the word liability and yet here it is never mentioned.
When it comes to kayaking my fears fall under the same umbrella as all the rest, doing new things that could make me miserable. On Big Water Beat Down Bacon Thursday we generally go to McCoys, the largest rapid on the Ottawa at this level, and we do things we have never done before that terrify us. This Thursday also included cliff jumping where we were not allowed to jump of the rocks normally. We received copious amounts of pushups if we didn’t do a spin, a flip or something else scary and cool! Later we found ourselves surfing inflatable animals, bought at Walmart, through Left Side Horseshoe and the subsequent wave train. After dinner we had ropes and knots, coined “knots for gnar” by Brooks, where I repelled off a 160 ft crane. Overall, the day was filled with intimidating challenges for all walks of the human race.
I feel extremely grateful that I have come to Keeners in the intimidating weeks preceding moving twelve time zones away from anyone or anything familiar. All the challenges I undertake here in one day put in perspective the challenge waiting just around the corner.
With every endeavor that scares me, the first few seconds are the worst. When I paddled out of the safety and comfort of the eddie above Rightside Phil’s I was shaking. I couldn’t tell if it was a result of being cold or nervous. I hit the first wave and a second of panic prickled through me, my instincts telling me to go back. After squealing, “Mommy,” in a voice not dissimilar to that of a toddler, the foam pile hit me and it was all gone. Fear becomes fun! Okay... so being trashed and beat down in Phil’s may not be the most comfortable, especially if you get sucked into other holes (Baby Face and Leftside Horshoe) after, but it isn’t scary once you’re past the initial shock.
These terrifying experiences instil confidence in me that leaving home will be scary for the first couple hours but soon I will settle into the comfort of living in a completely different culture all alone. Then it’s just like getting beat down. The unfortunate part about having done keeners before is that beat downs in Phil’s become more controlled. On the other hand, living abroad will also become more controlled and comfortable once I get used to the beat down!
One of our coaches, Nick, said,“with positive thinking, a good attitude and lots of work you can do anything.” You can sit in the eddie above Phils all day. It takes mental strength to take the initiative and to throw yourself into the hole as it does to say goodbye to your home.
Think positively. You need to acknowledge the risks but focuses on the potential gains you will get personally from challenging yourself to do something scary and new. Good attitude. Once you're in the meat of Phil's or twelve time zones away, you need to grit your teeth and find the good in a less than perfect situation. Finally you need to put in the work. Sometimes a situation cannot be adequately changed by only your outlook so then you need to put in the work to get what you want. I spend a lot of time face surfing when I want to blunt. The only way to get there is to work hard, have a good attitude and think positively!
The next challenge in my life is days away. I am incredibly thankful that I have had the opportunity here at keeners to entrench further in my thinking that I will be fine if I think positively, have a good attitude and work hard in the challenges to come in my life!
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