Sarah: On Being Ready for Keeners

I'm still waiting for that moment when all the dots connect, and i'm
finally able to reach my full potential and become the best kayaker I
can be. Coming to keeners, I was sure that I would learn quickly and
improve rapidly ( no pun intended) in every aspect. but reality is,
i'm stuck in a place where i feel like i'm unable to progress and
become better.

 I sit in my boat, watching all the more experienced and stronger
kayakers thinking " why c'ant I be like them?" or "how do they make it
look so easy?", I compare my abilities with their abilities. I watch
enviously at how quickly they learn a new technique or trick. i'm
confused at why I'm not improving equally as fast.All my efforts at
trying a bowstall remain futile. I cant stick a surf properly let
alone do a trick. My rolls are inconsistent. I swim constantly. My
confidence disapears nearly as fast as it gains. I cry in frustration.

At this point I wonder if I should even be here. Am I really ready to
be a keener?

I know that I am no where near as good as all the others, but the one
thing that I do know is that this means I have the most room for
improvement. I'm not going to give up. I will try my hardest to learn
and progress. i'll be invested in learning and try and get as much out
of this course as I can. i'll push my limits and go beyond my comfort
level. I'm here because there is a part of me that knows I deserve to
be here. I'm here because I love kayaking and everything to do with
water. I believe that every individual needs to go through a hard time
to become a better person, this goes for kayakers and every day people
alike.

Months before I came here, I read through all previous blog posts,
trying to understand what keeners was like from the inside. I was
looking for people who were going through trials. I needed to know
that if I wasnt the best, or if I made a mistake it wouldnt mean the
end.Now I write this for all those future keeners that have their
doubts about whethere they should become a keener. You're skills on
the water dont have to be superb; you can be medicore. youre
confidence doesnt always have to be rock solid; its okay if it
waivers. You wont always be sure with yourself; You will have your
doubts. Just know that to be a keener the one thing you do need is a
love of whitewater and a mindset in which you are keen to learn and
improve.