A Beginner's Guide to Being a Beginner - Anne Khazzam

           I did not like being a beginner. At anything, really. It's tiresome, frustrating, and can be very confusing. These three words can very well describe my first two/three days at Keeners.

I did not kayak often prior to Keeners. I had done two 5-day teen camp sessions and a little bit of flat water kayaking beforehand. I had no idea of the whole kayaking world I had been missing out on all my life. And then I came here. 

           A 6-hour day of hard-core kayaking on huge rapids, with some of the best kayakers in the world (who aren't only my coaches!), every day, for three weeks. Everyone around me could do all these fancy tricks and flips, while I couldn't even get my roll right. It was a little bit intimidating.

          When we were running rapids, everyone would go their own way and do all these cool tricks while going down, while I had to follow instructors down as to not get hurt (crashing against rocks and such). I would focus very hard beforehand to lean forward, paddle hard, always keep my paddle in the water, keep my body centered, and try not to flip. Then I actually went in, forgot everything, panicked, flipped, and sometimes swam. Every time! I was getting frustrated and angry at myself. Why am I the worst here? Why is everyone better than me? Why can't I do these things that are all so simple for everyone around me? And these thoughts did not make anything better. They made them worse, actually! On the third day,  we went on this big rapid, and I flipped, panicked, and swam. I was so embarrassed! Everyone came rushing to help, and was asking if I was alright. I was, of course, completely fine, just very upset at myself that I had panicked and swam. I complained, of course, to everyone, and tried to make excuses. Everyone was so reassuring, it was hard to still be frustrated! I still managed though. I then called my mom later that evening to rant all my frustrations to her. And you know what she said? "Who cares? It's normal. It's okay!" There were more reassuring words as well, but this post needs to end at some point! But I had realized something. It's okay! It's okay not to be as good as everyone else. Why should I be upset? How the heck did I let my frustration overcome my appreciation for all the incredibly kind, helpful, and encouraging coaches and keeners? They never did anything close to putting me down for swimming. not knowing as much or having less experience, so why should I be frustrated, or embarrassed? There was absolutely no reason! 

          On the second day, one of our coaches talked to us about patterns, brain patterns, and how positive/negative thinking habits can affect the way you think. If you have negative thoughts about an experience in the moment, then the memory associated with that experience will be a negative one. Same goes for positive! If you think positive, everything will be positive! And it's not even that hard.
          That made me think. Why don't I do this on the river? When I flip or swim, instead of getting frustrated, I could tell my brain that it's okay, and move on! And guess what? It works!
         It may come naturally, depending the circumstance and the person, but if it doesn't, you simply must tell your brain to think happy thoughts, and voilà! A simple, yet effective guide to a happier life!

         All this to say that now, I'm perfectly happy with being a beginner. However, this does not mean I will never get frustrated again! It's normal, but now I know how to not get frustrated as easily as before.
        To all the beginners out there, which is every person on this earth (beginners aren't only in kayaking!), remember that frustration doesn't help, and it's easy to get out of it!