My experience with anxiety and the sport of kayaking Hannah West

This is my first time as a keener and I was nervous to come here, however, this is not out of the ordinary for me. I am a person who suffers from anxiety. Sometimes I wonder what drew me to the sport that makes me so nervous every time I go out. Maybe I like it for the feeling of completing something you were intimidated to do or exposure therapy but, my anxiety has still stopped me from doing a lot of things in my life and within the sport of kayaking. One of my biggest goals these three weeks is to push myself to overcome my anxiety on and off the river but I  did not expect to learn so much in the first couple of days. One thing I am doing every day to help achieve these goals is to try to do things that scare me and that put me in uncomfortable situations. For example, trying new lines at McCoy's or new rapids like Iron Ring. I have tried more new things that scare me this week than I have in a long time. Another way my anxiety holds me back is that it makes me less confident in myself. Confidence in yourself is vital when kayaking because if you are not confident and aggressive with your paddle strokes before and in a rapid you will be unable to make your desired line. I have always struggled with being aggressive because I often don't have confidence that I can crush the line even when I have all of the skills and abilities needed. Forcing myself even when I am nervous to paddle aggressively and take the rapid head-on has helped me a lot with my kayaking but has also taught me a lot about how to deal with my anxiety. It has taught me that if you face it head-on, do your best, and are confident you are more likely to succeed. I came here to learn about kayaking but I did not expect to learn so much about myself in the first week. This just makes me so excited for what's to come.