How to be Irish in Keeners - Seán Cahill

In Canada, purebred Irish people are hard to come by, thankfully on the third session of Keeners we were blessed with two in the first week with one more on the way. The Irish are pretty recognisable here, the white skin and loud, strong accents stand out more than pterodactyls  in the river.
Luckily becoming an Irish person can be achieved in  few simple steps.

1st. Be a Leprechaun
According to the rest of the world all Irish people are Leprechauns, this is unfortunately true, we are a struggling race.
So to be a Leprechaun, having ginger hair and a pretty solid beard is a good start. Height here is the key, in general Irish Leprechauns max out at 3'6'', this may be tough but a noticeable height difference between you and your peers will deliver the desired effect. To complete the look full green attire is an absolute must.
If you can master the look of the leprechaun you are really on your way to being Irish.

2nd. Understand the Irish sport of Hurling
To the rest of the world this sport consists of two groups of hairy men in not very much clothing who go out an attack each other with sticks for 70 minutes and sometimes they see a little white ball moving incredibly quickly. This bloodbath is in the heart of every Irish person from birth, if you cant hold a hurley people question the authenticity of your origin. So get educated and fall in love with the fastest field sport in the world. When played properly the beautiful Gaelic sport can be intimidatingly peaceful.

3rd. Love of water
Water is a pretty big deal in the emerald isle, not only the fact that its an island but the climate blesses us regularly with buckets of rain. We cant not end up falling in love with that clear wet stuff. Perhaps that's why so many Irish people end up finding kayaking. If you are already a Kayaker your halfway there

4th. Eat potatoes EVERYday
Potatoes are the staple diet of an Irish person. We constantly fight a love/hate war with these brown things that grow in the ground they provide us with the necessary energy to paddle hard and party harder. The potato is what makes us so fun to be around and have so much to talk about. Eat potatoes and you can embrace the Irish culture
5th. Have the ability to pretend to speak Irish
Irish people learn their native language or most of their childhoods but few if any reach  a standard higher then being able to string a few sentence of gibberish together. So if you can learn a few words and spout them at some Irish they will treat you with utmost respect



Combining these this together you get something somewhat near an Irish person, if your not quite right then you will make a pretty funny sight, take a picture and make a fool of yourselves, Irish people will love you for it.
In truth this may not be 100% accurate but in the end does that really matter
 Irish are proud, loud and fun loving, with a strong passion for their culture, they should be celebrated and you should strive to keep some near always

Happy padding
Seán Cahill