Why is this a useful article? The art of being a beater is an admired and respected form of kayaking within the water sports world. Many will tune into an intense or “drawlin” clip of a person getting beat up within the mighty rapids. Pages such as “Jerry of the day” and “Beater of the day” have achieved fame due to the high demand an audience wants for viewing beater footage. Therefore, I have provided 10 useful ways to be a successful and legendary beater in the world of paddling. Such steps can be taken with great risk and measure due to the fact that the art of being a beater is not a path which one choses...it is a dangerous, sketchy path that one most be chosen to be placed on.
- Find a feature way to big and way to challenging for your ability.
- Just Send it. Beaters do not need scouting or choose to scout a challenging rapid.
- Wear a non practical paddling wear, ex: football jersey, cotton shirt, floral/hawaiian shirts are perfect.
- Get footage with a gopro! It didn’t happen if it’s not on video! The more gopros the better.
- Use music nobody likes for your edit, makes it more unbearable to watch.
- Wear goggles while paddling. Do any of the coaches wear goggles? no. Do beaters? Probably.
- Brag about how much you are beaten up, the more people that know about it, the bigger beater you can be.
- Paddle with people that are much better than you. If you are the best paddler there, you are not a beater.
- Create/use unique terms for the way you were beaten up: Churned, beatersoup, mashed, zoinked, etc
- Write a blog about how to be a beater
With these steps taken...it’ll be quite easy to become a fantastic beater. Remember, it is much easier to be a great beater than it is to become a great paddler, but all great paddlers know how to be a great beaters. Once you’re ready, come down to beatdown thursday!
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