How NOT to Run a Rapid - By Charles Brooks

This is a guide to how NOT to run a rapid. This will help you to go down the wrong side of a rapid and get completely trashed.

Step 1: Start off with no speed
This step will allow for minimum speed while going down the rapid.
You will get trashed in every hole with this simple trick.

Step 2: Flip upside down before you go into the rapid
This will allow for you to not go the right way and completely fail.
This will also hinder your sight so that you have no chance of finding the best line.

Step 3: After a few minutes, roll up and turn sideways
Turning sideways will allow for as little speed as possible so that you can get trashed as easily as possible.

Step 4: Find the biggest hole on the rapid and drop into it.
This will allow for maximum time in the hole.
Dropping in sideways will allow for the best beatdown you will ever have.

Step 5: Realizing that you can't get out of the hole and swim
After getting trashed in the hole for a while, you will start to panic and realize you can't get out.
Then, you must perform the most graceful move in kayaking, the wet exit.

Step 6: Float helplessly and expect your friends to save you and your gear
After performing the wet exit, you will realize that you are out of your kayak.
Flail around helplessly and wait for your friends to save you.
This step ensures that your friends will never want to go paddling with you again.

Now, you have successfully ran a rapid the wrong way. Remember, do not try this at home, and always stay safe while in whitewater.